


you're a masterpiece of your own.

by chaerubims



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:54:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21886270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaerubims/pseuds/chaerubims
Summary: art. the scars, despite being marks of sooyoung’s inner battle with herself, appeared to be a masterpiece in the eyes of jinsol. sure, any person would prefer the immaculate apparition of the brunette’s arms, but they were proof of sooyoung’s struggles, and they were proof of sooyoung’s victories over her demons. it didn’t seem like success, but jinsol admired sooyoung and her vandalized arms nevertheless, because the latter was brave. for masking what she truly felt, for choosing to fight this alone.
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul
Kudos: 24





	you're a masterpiece of your own.

**Author's Note:**

> hello! i'm back again, and this is my shot at yvesoul. tjis has been sittting in my drafts for almost a year now, so i think it's time i publish it. the ending is kind of rushed, since i was gunning on a different path but decided not to. i hope y'all would still like it, though, because for the most part, i poured my heart and soul into it. lol.
> 
> also, i'm sorry if i described yves' condition poorly. i never felt what it feels to be famous and i have never suffered depression. this is all based on my understanding, so if ever my description of yves offends you, i'm deeply sorry. please correct me, or enlighten me. i'm also sorry for typos and grammar errors, english is not my first language!
> 
> rated m for some violent language and i ticked the trigger warning for depression, mentions of death, family trouble, and attempts of suicide.
> 
> also, shameless self-promo. i'm on twitter as @Ioonasphere (caps i)! spare follow, ma'am?
> 
> [ originally posted on aff under wizorbit. ]

ha sooyoung is living a life everyone wishes to have. the girl is deprived of flaws both in and out, making both boys and girls swoon over her, whether for her immaculate features or her unfiltered personality. she is also loaded, considering the fact that she already flourished into one of the most in-demand models in south korea despite her young age. the busan-native is also surrounded by wonderful people that accentuates her already perfect persona. to others, she is living the perfect life, something straight out of a fairytale.

yet, why does sooyoung feel dull?

everybody deems her life to be perfectly colored, like she was a garden that was always in full bloom. sooyoung, though, feels empty inside. her life was rather monochromatic to her, filled only with boring shades of black, white and gray. so, it doesn’t come as a surprise to her when all the sleepless nights and the ocean of tears came all too frequent. the previously unblemished facade of her arms were slowly tinted with small, red lines that gradually grew longer, multiplying each day, and soon enough, no space was left for sooyoung to cut.

her self-esteem fell to its all-time low. from being confident in wearing anything, her wardrobe slowly became void of anything that showed even the tiniest amount of skin, ultimately getting replaced by long-sleeved shirts and blouses, sweaters, and hoodies. the light in her eyes diminished each day, and it scares sooyoung that one day her orbs would fail to see the glow it once reflected. life was gradually slipping in between her fingers, her grip on her sanity loosening each second.

it doesn’t take a genius to notice how much sooyoung changed in a short amount of time. even jinsol, who claims to be stupid, feels how much sooyoung was trying to distance herself from her, their group of friends, and the crowd. the latter would always look down now, contrary to her previous self, who’d always radiate a strong presence by keeping her forehead up. usually, jinsol would joke around and say “chin up, princess, your crown is falling,” to her same-aged friend with a wide, annoying grin on her face, but she’s aware of how serious the situation may be.

despite how genuinely curious jinsol was, she couldn’t muster up enough courage to ask sooyoung on how she’s doing and why she suddenly changed out of the blue. so, her body acted on its own, and she let her curiosity get the best of her- which is why here she is, hiding behind a wall, staring at sooyoung’s not-so humble abode. a small frown made its way towards her lips when sooyoung pulls her burgundy-tinted cotton sweater over her head, revealing a yellow tank top, and her scar-filled arms that told all the stories of failed attempts in taking her own life.

confusion paints jinsol’s face when her eyes spot sooyoung taking out a blade from her pocket, letting it hover over her right arm for seconds before letting it slice through her skin. the former’s mind went blank, and all she could think of was a three-lettered word,

_ why? _

it didn’t make sense, not to jinsol, at least. she couldn’t comprehend why sooyoung, of all people, would want to end her life this early. not when her modelling career was peaking, not when her life is one of the most ideal ones to exist. jinsol’s mind was clouded with questions and guilt, for not noticing sooner, for not being there, for not knowing why.

that night, jinsol couldn’t bring herself to sleep, no matter how much she tossed and turned on the comfort of her bed. the feeling of guilt was eating her conscience, and her head was about to explode from all the overthinking. a slight pang in her heart was constantly present whenever the scene of sooyoung running a blade on the skin of her arm replays in her head. she flutters her eyes gently, before letting out a scream of frustration while her hands make its way to tangle her blonde locks. she kicks in the air repeatedly, only stopping when hyunjin, her flatmate, banged on her door loudly, complaining how jinsol disturbed the peace of her slumber.

defeated, jinsol lets her feet take her to the balcony of their shared apartment. her eyes wander up, greeted by a deep shade of navy blue. the moon’s glow reflected on her slightly tanned skin as she stares at the night sky which was void of any stars. the tall blonde heaves out a sigh of mixed emotions as she wonders if anyone else knew, if anyone else bothered to know what was eating the life out of her best friend. she couldn’t help but worry, too. what if sooyoung still held that blade firmly in her hands?

jinsol was getting paranoid. she went back inside and changed to a much more presentable choice of clothing before jinsol’s hands reach to her phone, typing out a text message to sooyoung, telling her that she would pick her up and that they needed to talk. she grabs her hoodie, wallet and keys before leaving the silence of her apartment.

the car ride to sooyoung’s took longer than she expected. it was getting late, so she assumed that the traffic would be lesser, but the events that took place proved her wrong. it wasn’t exactly boring as her car’s radio played numerous songs by red velvet, but it was just as nerve-wracking. when she arrived in front of sooyoung’s house (or mansion at this point), the brunette was already there, standing in all her glory with an impatient expression on her face.

a small smile grazed jinsol’s lips when she saw sooyoung wearing a fitted, cropped tee underneath her favorite leather jacket matched with skinny jeans. she walks out of her car and beams at sooyoung while scratching her nape. “sorry i’m late. traffic’s a bitch,” she apologizes, making sooyoung roll her eyes. “why did you want to talk, anyway? are you gonna ask me to go for a drink or smoke, then tell me you’re gay for the hundredth time?” the older questions in a teasing tone, a small yet rather genuine-looking smile present on her face. (of course, jinsol was aware they were anything but genuine. perhaps sooyoung had gone through this for a long time and had fully mastered faking a smile.)

“well, i guess it would be better if we talked about it in the car.”

jinsol drove slowly with no particular destination in mind. considering the weight of what she wants to talk about, though, she’d probably stop by a convenience store to buy a few drinks and then take the two of them to han river. “so?” sooyoung asks, making jinsol look at her for a brief second. “i saw, sooyoung.” the former states with a sigh. sooyoung stares at the blonde with a puzzled look on her face. “yes, you saw, but what did you see?”

a tired sigh escapes jinsol’s lips before she stops the car in front of a convenience store. her eyes wander until they reach sooyoung’s, staring intensely into the orbs that were glowing thanks to the light of the convenience store. “you were… ah, sooyoung, why? you know i’m here, we’re here. you could’ve told us,” jinsol says frustratedly. the brunette’s eyes widen for a split second in realization, before feigning a look of indifference and looking anywhere other than the younger.

“i’m… i’m gonna go and get beer. cigarettes, too, but just maybe.” sooyoung says and unlocks the door of jinsol’s car. the latter sighs frustratedly. “get me some chips, too.” she says, and the busan-native merely nods before rushing out of her car and into the convenience store. the taller runs a hand through her hair and stares at the back of her car where blankets and pillows rested. jinsol always had them there, for emergencies and occasions like this.

a few minutes later, sooyoung comes back with a few cans of beer, two packs of cigarettes, and the chips jinsol asked for. “so, what’s the set-up at the back, sol?” sooyoung asks, opening a can of beer. jinsol shrugs, “you know if i drink, i can’t drive. maybe we could stay at han river for the night. don’t worry, i’ll drive you back tomorrow,” she reasons, making sooyoung nod. “oh, and by the way, sooyoung. we’re talking about the scars on your arms. tell me what happened, okay?”

sooyoung heaves out a defeated sigh. “okay.”

compared to earlier, some stars are in full display. maybe it’s because it’s midnight now, maybe the view is just better in han river. jinsol and sooyoung were sitting at the hood of the blonde’s car, both holding a can of beer. a cigarette rested in between sooyoung’s index and middle finger. “you know, i’m really curious how you saw my arms. i thought i did a pretty good job of hiding it.” the older asked, lifting the cigarette and putting it in between her lips. “well… don’t get mad, but i may have followed you earlier and saw… yeah,”

sooyoung puffs out a smoke ring and gazes at the blonde. “you could’ve just asked.” she said as she rested her back on the hood, looking at the night sky. “you should’ve told us how you felt, sooyoung.” jinsol says, sipping her beer. the older giggles and looks at the taller like she’s gone insane. “whether i told you or not, nothing would change, jin,” she deadpans, making jinsol roll her eyes. “it was hard, okay? i know, everyone thinks i live this super perfect life but there’s so much more to just that. jinsol, those mean nothing, not when i’m sad and alone…

“you know, sometimes, i think of going back to where i actually belong. busan. i miss my home, my mom, my sister. haneul, too. sometimes, i regret that i auditioned for that model agency. a lot of times, i just want to quit, because it’s all too much. people forget i’m barely on my twenties. people forget i’m human, too. everyone just disregards my feelings all because they think my life is perfect. no, it’s not. behind the perfect facade of my life are the countless sleepless nights, all the skipped meals, all the sacrifices…

“just because the life you see i live looks perfect doesn’t mean it is, and it certainly doesn’t mean i’m happy with it. jinsol, i’m empty inside. not that i’m not grateful for everything that i have, but you know that feeling where something is missing? i feel that, everyday. i got so stressed over it, i got so sad about it, so i picked up the bad habit of smoking and drinking. hell, jinsol, i’m so lonely,”

jinsol stares at sooyoung with a look of pity. “i’m sorry, sooyoung. i’m so sorry to hear that, and i’m sorry i never noticed sooner. i wish you told us, but that’s all in the past now. all i can tell you now is that things will get better, sooyoung. it will be better.” she says, making sooyoung laugh absurdly. “bullshit!” sooyoung exclaims, “jinsol, it doesn’t get better. i’ve witnessed people go before anything got better. hell, jinsol! i lost my father because it didn’t get better! we lost him, and nothing was better! everything got worse!

“...my family was torn apart, i haven’t heard of mom, of unnie since i moved here in seoul! i just want to go back home, to see them again, to catch up, to embrace them but i can’t because i’m fucking covered with scars, my schedule is busy, and my life got fucked up! so please stop telling me it will get better because it doesn’t! it only gets worse and worse until you can’t handle it anymore.”

jinsol was taken aback. sooyoung was quite secretive and private, so no one knew about her family, whether they were fans or friends. no one dared to ask. tearing her gaze from the sky, she locks eyes with sooyoung whose face was now tear-stained, her body trembling. on instinct, jinsol drops her can of beer and hugs sooyoung. “i’m sorry, sooyoung, i didn’t know. stop crying, ssh. i got you, okay? i’ll be here for you, we’ll all be. just know i’m glad you opened up to me, because if things don’t get better like you said, at least you’re not gonna go through it alone…

“i’ll battle with you. i am here for you, and i will always be, okay? so it doesn’t matter if things don’t get better. what matters now is that you’re not alone. i got you, i got you. stop crying now, please? i love you,” jinsol said, rubbing circles on sooyoung’s back. the latter continued to tremble and cry, while jinsol hugs her and whispers words of reassurance in her ear. “i-i love y-you too, jin-jinsol,” sooyoung stutters a reply, but it was all jinsol needed to hear. she planted a soft kiss on the brunette’s forehead and smiled.

“i got you, okay?”

sunlight was seeping through jinsol’s tinted car windows. sooyoung tried to shift her position so her eyes wouldn’t meet the rays of sunlight, but there was something placed on her waist that refrained her from doing so. she shoots one eye open, only to close it again due to the brightness that greeted her. once her eyes adjusted, she looks down and was taken aback when she saw jinsol’s arm firmly holding her waist down.

with the help of sunlight, sooyoung realizes how close their faces were. there was a certain glow on jinsol’s face, and despite resting in a deep slumber, a small, sheepish smile was present on the latter’s visual. the sight brought a genuine, content smile on sooyoung’s face- her first one since all this mess started. she found herself in a daze, leaning closer until their lips met, only breaking out of her trance when she realized what she had done.

sooyoung is sent into panic as she pulls back. it didn’t help that jinsol stirred in her sleep before she utters a mindless, slurred “good morning” to the older. a stuttering sooyoung returns the greeting as she brings her body to sit up. jinsol follows suit, one hand rubbing her eyes, the other trying to muffle the yawn that escaped her lips. “what’s up, unnie?” jinsol asks, making sooyoung chuckle slightly. “we dropped the ‘unnie’ thing as soon as we met, jinsol. i’m barely a month older,”

the blonde rubs her nape and grins sheepishly. “r-right… i’m sorry, i just woke up, so my brain won’t function properly.” her eyes scan the surroundings before she spots sooyoung burying her head in the palm of her hands. “what’s wrong, sooyoung?” concern taints jinsol’s tone, and the brunette hates it. this was the reason she kept the scars to herself all this time; she hated making others worry. she didn’t want the concern, nor the pity, because it makes her feel weak, weaker than she already thinks she is.

sooyoung snapped from her thoughts when she felt a hand above hers. her eyes shot up, meeting jinsol’s orbs that were no less than ethereal. “what’s wrong? i’m here, sooyoung. i’ll listen. i… i’m not good at cheering people up, but i’ll be here the whole time. besides, i told you that i got you, didn’t i? i’m not forcing you to spill, so it’s fine if you don’t want to.” jinsol’s voice was oddly comforting despite possessing the exact color that infuriates sooyoung. “i’m fine. a headache, that’s all.”

jinsol nods and takes a seat beside sooyoung. she let sooyoung rest her head on her shoulder as she closes her eyes. “i’m tired, jindori.” the busan-native’s voice came off exhausted with a hint of indifference. the taller feels sooyoung shift, promptly making her eyes open. the latter’s hands were lifted in the air, her scars of sorrow in full display for the both of them. jinsol drops her gaze to sooyoung, who was busy staring at the aftermath of whatever tragedy she brought to herself.

_ art. _ the scars, despite being marks of sooyoung’s inner battle with herself, appeared to be a masterpiece in the eyes of jinsol. sure, any person would prefer the immaculate apparition of the brunette’s arms, but they were proof of sooyoung’s struggles, and they were proof of sooyoung’s victories over her demons. it didn’t seem like success, but jinsol admired sooyoung and her vandalized arms nevertheless, because the latter was brave. for masking what she truly felt, for choosing to fight this alone.

“you’re beautiful,” jinsol suddenly utters, catching sooyoung off-guard. “i’m sorry, what?” she asks, surprise clear and evident in her voice. “i said, you’re beautiful.” the blonde repeats, much firmer this time. the older lifts her head to meet jinsol’s intense gaze that bore holes into her being. “not to mention, brave.” the latter adds, successfully bringing sooyoung to the edge of curiosity. “and how am i brave?”

usually, jinsol would be intimidated by the look sooyoung was giving her. the latter’s left brow was raised and her gaze was scary, if jinsol would be honest. “you chose to keep all this to yourself. you could’ve easily told us, you know? i’m not much of a help, but maybe haseul or jungeun would be. we will help you, you know? we love you, i love you. you don’t have to face this alone.” she explains, making sooyoung’s expression soften. “i know, jinsol. believe me, i know.”

sooyoung coughs a little, “but maybe this is the reason i never told you, or anyone else.” she says, painting a look of curiosity on jinsol’s face. “what?” the latter asks with a quizzical tone. sooyoung promptly shrugs and continues to stare at jinsol’s eyes. “you’re being too concerned, and you’re being too pushy. i’m fine, jinsol. i told you i am.” the girl in question frowns deeply as she shakes her head. “you’re not. you’re obviously not.”

the two didn’t talk much after.

a few months pass, and jinsol notes sooyoung was gradually returning to her previous cheery self. though, she still opted to cover her scar-filled arms, hiding them from the judging eyes of the public. during the time period, jinsol would always be near sooyoung’s side, late night phone calls became all-too frequent, and han river hangouts became a habit for both of them. jinsol did a pretty good job of distracting sooyoung from the emptiness, from all her inner demons.

sometimes, sooyoung would call in the middle of the night whenever her anxieties and insecurities kicked in, and jinsol would turn up to her door with tteokbokki or the most random of things, like coloring books or knitting kits. other times, jinsol would randomly appear in front of her room’s windows (she climbs, when she can enter the door like a sane person would, for some reason) with books, coffee, and pastries from the nearby bakery. when sooyoung’s mood falls to its worst, jinsol automatically picks her up and drives to han river like it was always the first time. 

that’s when sooyoung noticed how less the sleepless nights and midnight breakdowns came. it was like she was starting anew, with a different mindset. the emptiness she felt in her heart was slowly being filled, a new feeling of hope and love blossoming like a garden.

like the scars that filled her once-pristine arms, it didn’t surprise her when she realized she was falling, and hard at that, for jinsol.

fear crept into sooyoung, consuming her entire being. her mind was flooded with constant “what if”s, a million different scenarios playing all at once. a headache was coming, and by instinct, her hands reach out to her phone that rested on her study table. she let her thumb hover over jinsol’s contact, contemplating whether she should call the latter or let this slide, just today.

a soft knock on her glass windows broke her trance. sooyoung stares at jinsol who wore the biggest, brightest, shit-eating grin on her face while lifting a tray with two cups of coffee. she rolls her eyes before walking towards her windows and opening them, letting her exposed arms feel the cold breeze of the night. “you look stressed,” jinsol says and chuckles. sooyoung puffs out air, “and you look like shit.” she retorts, successfully bringing a frown to the blonde’s face. “rude!”

jinsol welcomes herself by brushing past sooyoung and going into the room. she places the tray of coffee on the room owner’s study desk, before she plops herself on the bed. sooyoung closes the window and sits on the chair of her table and stares at jinsol, admiring the latter’s features for a split second before tearing her gaze, setting it on the cups of coffee on her desk. “are you trying to kill me with coffee? is this at least americano?”

jinsol starts to laugh, promptly making sooyoung follow suit. “you didn’t let me breathe when i gave you caramel macchiato for a whole week. of course, it’s americano now. i don’t want another nightmare.” she says, and sooyoung smiles. the latter reaches over to the cup with her name neatly written on it, a heart and smiley face beside. she sips and lets hers body relax and rest on her chair.

“i noticed you’ve been… happier these days. i’m glad.” jinsol says, bringing a smile to sooyoung’s face. “thanks to you,” she says as she takes another sip. her mouth opened as she was about to utter another sentence, but soft snores echoed throughout sooyoung’s quiet room, promptly making her close it again. her brown orbs widen slightly as realization hits her.

“did she buy two cups of coffee for me? is she crazy?”

sooyoung notes how different the next days were. they weren’t like any other, not since she confessed her self-harming state. jinsol was becoming more and more distant, and sooyoung despised herself for it. the late night talks, han river hangouts and impromptu sleepovers slowly diminished while the scars on her arms began to multiply once more. she was breaking again, and it was painfully obvious.

the will to change in sooyoung’s heart was like a fire that jinsol ignited when she promised she’d be there for the former. now that she’s gone, the same flame she sparked was slowly extinguished by tears that ran down sooyoung’s porcelain cheeks. the latter didn’t know where it went wrong. what mistake has she done that jinsol now pretends like she knows none about sooyoung’s condition?

sooyoung wondered, what if jinsol knew that she liked her? it was quite impossible, since sooyoung kept mum about her feelings, but the latter can’t help but worry if that’s what’s drifting them apart. sooyoung doesn’t want this, and she never will, because before she caught feelings for jinsol, she was her best friend.

_ right. _

whether jinsol liked girls or not was beyond sooyoung’s knowledge. it could be because jinsol isn’t comfortable knowing her best friend- and a suicidal one, at that- looked at her in a different way. sooyoung should have confirmed first, instead of falling immediately for someone who is probably straight- even though jinsol jokingly tells them every ten minutes that she’s gay.

even with the numerous empty bottles of vodka surrounding her frame, no alcohol could drown the worry and sorrow that panged sooyoung’s heart.

this time, sooyoung held a shard of broken glass as her back leans on her bed’s headboard while she set her gaze straight. where did she go wrong? whatever she did, she wishes, wishes, wishes she had done something else that did not upset jinsol. she lowers the blade, slowly inching closer to her stained arm. she closes her eyes as tears start to form, shaking her head and repeating the words “ _ i’m tired _ ” over and over, as if a chant.

the shard meets her skin, scratching her skin lightly, but not enough to pierce deeply, because a voice stops her. “sooyoung, oh my god.” the girl in question turns her head and is greeted by blonde locks and warm hazel eyes. “jinsol,” sooyoung grins, her voice shaky and faltering. her hands drop the glass, left forgotten on top of her bed. jinsol looks at the brunette, her eyes reflecting concern and her face painted with worry. “i thought it was getting better, i… soobongie, what happened?” jinsol asks, her voice now shaking as well. 

“it  _ was _ getting better, jinsol. it was all thanks to you! then, you suddenly disappear with no words, no anything. sol, i didn’t know what i did wrong. did i do anything to upset you? are you disgusted by my scars? you could have told me before you left me hanging.” sooyoung’s words were stained by alcohol and tears fall from her eyes, one, then two, until beyond countable. jinsol was taken aback, “i’m sorry, sooyoung, i thought you didn’t need me anymore because you seemed really happy-”

“bullshit!” the drunken sooyoung shouts, cutting off jinsol’s explanation. “jinsol, i needed you the most! you saved me just when i was about to take my life for real! that night, when you texted me, i was supposed to hang myself. you were my friend, and that makes you more important than my death, i figured, so i went to you even though heaven and hell knows how badly i wanted to take my life. what happened? you supported me throughout. you listened to what i had to say, you talked to make me feel better, you ate with me when no one else would, you gave me the comfort i constantly longed for since our family fell apart. you even made me feel things i never thought i’d feel- hell, you even made me question my sexuality!

“...jinsol, i like you! maybe i love you as well but just as i was going to confirm my feelings, you disappeared, with no nothing. i was lost and confused, and of course, sad and angry. i longed to see you, but now that you’re here, right in front of me… why? why did you even bother to come back?” sooyoung cried out, now standing near jinsol and hitting the latter’s shoulders. “no, no, no… sooyoung, you’ve got it all wrong, i…”

“sooyoung, i’m sorry. i was confused about me, too. i know, it’s stupid that i left without a word, but i was just so confused. i joke a lot about being gay, but in reality it’s just so hard to accept it, y’know? i thought i was okay with me not being straight, but it turns out i’m not yet comfortable in my own skin. i had to reflect, because i like you, too. however i was so, so confused with everything and i just couldn’t accept how i was starting to fall for another girl because growing up, i was taught that it's wrong…

“i wanted to make sure that i’ll be fine with myself, at least a tad bit more comfortable, and i wanted to confirm if what i am feeling is true. it is, i can tell now. i’m lot more comfortable now. i still don’t know what i identify as, but all i know for sure is that i fell for you, and i’m still falling. i like you so much, i didn’t want to hurt you yet i did and i’ll never forgive myself for that. sooyoung, i’m not asking you to be mine this quick, but give me a chance to prove myself? i’ll treat you better, i’ll treat you best. just… please, stay.”

the look in jinsol’s orbs made sooyoung bawl harder. it reflected determination, hope, and a mix of sadness and happiness. a small, subtle smile also made its way to the blonde’s face, as if saying that she was content with what they are already, and that sooyoung didn’t need to force herself if she didn’t want to. the words are stuck in jinsol’s heart, but sooyoung heard them loud and clear. if giving her a chance meant seeing more of those smiles, who is she to decline? why would she take away jinsol’s happiness when the latter did nothing but make her happy?

“o-of… of c-course, j-jinsol. i’ll s-stay, for y-you.”

the next days weren’t like any other. jinsol stood by her almost all the time, even offering to sleep the night, especially when sooyoung was drowning in her thoughts. this time, jinsol didn’t randomly appear at her window with tteokbokki, because she always took sooyoung with her, eating the rice cakes at a playground each time. jinsol also hid all of the brunette’s stuff that could threaten her life. she was taking care of sooyoung like she was the latter’s mother, and it made her feel important.

sooyoung’s hobby of smoking also gradually diminished, instead of cigarettes, she held apples in her palms. jinsol, aware of their mutual love of animals, brought home a siamese fighter fish- otherwise known as a  _ blue betta _ \- for them to take care of. there were multiple arguments on what the little creature would be called. in the end, they both agreed to name it  _ judi _ , because sooyoung thinks it looks like jinsol and the latter loved judy hopps from zootopia.

sooyoung has never felt more special, important, and loved in all 23 years of her life.

however, one night, accounts from sooyoung’s rather horrible past showed up, reminding her of her countless flaws. the persona she worked hard to bury was once more showing itself everywhere sooyoung looks- in the mirror, on the glass of her favorite café, in jinsol’s orbs. she was starting to feel all the emotions that numbed ever since jinsol chose to stay by her side when the latter could’ve easily walked away.

life was starting to slip past sooyoung’s fingers once more, and it terrified her like crazy.

so, to hopefully cease her thoughts, she softly confronts her love interest- “jinsol, why do you like  _ me _ , of all people? when i’m destructive- aren’t you scared? i destroyed myself quite easily, what if i… you know, bring harm to you? there are… so many things i hate about me and you know that, yet you stayed. why? when you can easily catch others, when you could’ve just continued your little romance with jungeun, or chose jiwoo instead?”

jinsol chuckles airily, before kissing the crown of sooyoung’s head. “why would i continue with jungeun when whatever we had was long over? wooming… she’s already with our heekkie, you know that. and, yeah, i know all your insecurities, but you know mine just as well. you never left me because of those, so why would i? your flaws, all the things you hate about yourself- that’s what i like about you the most. i like that you’re not perfect. i like every bit of humanity in you. i like you because you’re yves, i like you because you’re ha sooyoung, i like you because you’re you. scratch that-  _ i love you _ . i don’t need jungeun, i don’t need jiwoo, i don’t need anyone else as long as i have you, sooyoung. please remember that,”

tears formed on the corner of sooyoung’s eyes. “you love me,” she breathes out right before she chokes on sobs, and soon enough, she already cried out a river. jinsol proceeded to rub circles on her back while continuously whispering sweet nothings directly into the brunette’s ear. jinsol’s soft, sweet voice calms sooyoung down, lessening her sobs to small sniffles. when sooyoung comes to a halt, the blonde grins at her, eyebrows up. “of course, silly. i love you. what’s not to love about you? you’re perfect in your own way, scars or not. and if you’re still worried i’ll leave you because of your arms, i’m not. i told you already, they’re beautiful. it’s your own masterpiece, not that you aren’t one already…” jinsol trails, and sooyoung gazes at her expectantly, anticipating the next words to flow out of her mouth.

“...sooyoung, without those scars, i wouldn’t have confronted you, i wouldn’t have known you more. and i love you because you are strong, brave, and powerful, even with them. i’d love to get to know you more, you know? i’d be here for you, even when those scars multiply, even if your whole body is covered in scars. i’m your girlfriend, after all.”   


sooyoung stares at jinsol’s lips before she locks orbs with the latter confidently, leaning in slightly. “and i love you, too. more than anything, actually.” she whispers right before her lips connected with jinsol’s.


End file.
